What a Mighty God we Serve!

I'm constantly in awe of how loving God is! I feel so completely unworthy to be loved unconditionally in the way He loves us. It's amazing to know that no matter how many mistakes we make, He loves us just the same and just desires to have a close relationship with us.

Our church is now starting to do the study Experiencing God together over the coming weeks, and tonight was our first small group diving into it. I feel so privileged to help lead this group of girls in discovering God's will for our lives. In reading over this week's chapter, the thing that stood out the most to me was God's love. The second principle the study goes over is how "God pursues a continuing love relationship with you that is real and personal." No matter how many times I hear it, I can never quite grasp the amount of love God has for us. It's not simply that He got bored and thought He'd create some fun creatures to watch to give Himself a hobby. He chose to make us! He chose to create us in the exact way that we are so He could have that close and personal relationship with us.

I think back to the times in my life where I thought that someone else's love was enough for me. I went looking for love in other people and places when it was always right there in front of me. Through all of my terrible mistakes and wrong turns, God pursued me. He loved me enough to call me right back to Him. Even when I was so far away from, He never forgot about me. He was always right there, desiring that close relationship with me once again. I am so happy that I finally humbled myself and went running to Him after so many years of running away!

I found out tonight that three people close to me have decided to take that next step in their relationship with God. One of my them is one of my closest friends. I got a message from her today saying how she was wanting to get her life back on track with God. She had made a decision to follow Christ in the past, but had fallen away from Him. I've spent months praying for just that and today, I got to hear how God is at work in her life. I'm so proud of her and can't wait to see the growth God is going to do in her life! The other two people in my life decided tonight to take the first step into following Christ. They accepted Him into their life in a real and personal way. There is no greater thing to hear than that! God is truly at work around me and I am so delighted to see it!

Again I say "WHAT A MIGHTY GOD WE SERVE!" I hope you realize God's love for you and how He only truly desires that loving relationship with you. It's not a matter of being good enough for Him or trying to work your way into His arms, because He stands with them open, just waiting for you to come running into them. I can only hope and pray that you have come to that realization tonight. If not, know that I am praying that you will soon. Then and only then can you realize true happiness and unconditional love that I know to be so true in my life. It's not a religion... it's a relationship, and that's exactly what I pray you have with Him!

The Art of Being Single

Ever since I was a little girl, I would watch every Disney princess movie, every sappy chick flick, and pretty much every "happily ever after" film and dream of my prince that would come and save the day. The one who would make my life whole. It's ingrained in our culture that we cannot be fully whole without being married. Don't get me wrong, I definitely see the perks to being married and having that special person to share life with, but I now realize how skewed those thoughts can be. Over the years, I have seen this mindset play out in my own life.

When I went off to college, I had that exact thought in the forefront of my mind. From the second I stepped onto that campus, I was on the prowl for that one guy who I would be with for the rest of my life. In fact, I walked into classes my first or second day of school and thought for sure that I had met the man of my dreams. I didn't have my sights set too high. As long as he was a Christian and liked me, well then he must be the one for me, right? As it turns out, that guy didn't end up being the one for me. Then I went to my sophomore year in college and started to become restless. God hadn't brought me the man of my dreams, so I was going to find him myself. Nevermind the fact that God knew better than I did and knew I wasn't ready emotionally or spiritually to find him, I was going to make that guy "the one!" I spent three years chasing after that dream that I had had so ingrained in my mind since I was young. That dream had become warped over the years. I no longer even cared about that fact that he was a Christian. I thought if he loved me enough, then he would learn to follow God... eventually.

Both of my sisters were married at 22 years old. They were lucky enough to find amazing men to share their lives with. When I turned 22, I remember thinking I was so behind in life. After three years of being cheated on over and over again and growing as far away from God as I could, I finally realized that my idea of the perfect guy was not God's idea of the perfect guy, because that perfect guy doesn't exist.

That perfect guy doesn't exist, because God won't let him exist. Even if he did, God would keep him as far away from you as humanly possible. He doesn't want you relying on a guy to make yourself whole. He wants you to rely on Him for that. It has taken years of me chasing after a dream to finally realize the reality of God's will. Instead of spending my time chasing after a false dream that the world has ingrained in my mind, I now chase after God's dream... for me to have an intimate relationship with Him that is the only thing that can fully satisfy. I've finally come to accept that it isn't my job to go running after a husband. If God chooses to bless me with that, then He will. If not, then he won't. I will be satisfied and happy either way.

Again, don't get me wrong in thinking I don't want to get married, because I definitely do. But now, I have realized that it is not my decision. I humbly and thoughtfully offer up my life to God to do His work however He sees fit. Of course I would love for that to be with a wonderful man of God by my side who will encourage me in my walk, but I am not the one who is going to make the decision. So now, as Philippians 3:14 says, "I (will) press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus." That prize which is not to find myself a husband, but to be a servant of Christ who lives each day according to His will and purpose.

God knows my heart's desire to find that man of God to marry and until then, all I can simply do is live for Him and wait patiently... I hope you do the same! :)

Here am I. Send me!

Then I heard the voice of the Lord saying, "Whom shall I send? And who will go for us?" And I said, "Here am I. Send me!" - Isaiah 6:8

Back in April or May of this last year, our church had a woman by the name of Mama Zipporah come speak to us. My church, Cornerstone, partners with her children's home in Ngong, Kenya, and Mama comes a couple times a year to share what has been happening there and to encourage those in our church to go on a mission trip to help and see the work for themselves. As I was sitting there listening, I couldn't help but feel God stirring my heart for the people of Kenya. Mama Zipporah started the children's home back in 1989 after seeing the great need for someone to reach out to the many orphans that surrounded her. Due to the living conditions and high AIDS rate, many of the children were left orphaned and homeless. She felt God calling her to take in these children and become a mama to them. My heart broke as I heard her speak. I have been so privileged to have had amazing parents who have been by my side every step of my childhood and who helped direct me through my transition into adulthood. I can't imagine not having that support. It was clear that God was calling me to go love on these children and continue to show them exactly what Mama does, the love of Christ. I decided that the next summer, summer of 2012, I would go on a mission trip to Kenya.

When I got back from being home for the summer with my amazing family, our church had an information meeting and I signed up. I found out that while we are there, we would be helping run a Vacation Bible School for the children and help do different construction projects. I also found out the trip was going to cost just over $3200. As I heard the amount, I got a little scared. That was a lot of money to have to raise. In the past, any mission projects I had done were small enough that my family was able to fund them, but this would be a whole different ballgame! As I started to get nervous, I remembered that if God wanted me to go, He would provide a way. There was nothing to worry about; everything was in His hands.

Shortly after the meeting, I spent a lot of time drafting up my support letter to send out to my friends and family, asking for them to join with me in this amazing opportunity. When I sent out my letters to my friends and family, I prayed over them, asking God to work in the hearts of those I sent the letters to. That God would not only do amazing things in my life through this trip, but that He would bless the lives of those who were going to join alongside me, too. Since then, I have been blessed immensely. It has only been a little over two months since I sent out my letters and I have already raised $2,245 toward my trip. It has been amazing to see who has chosen to sponsor me, not just in money, but also in prayer! Every time I go to my mailbox, God blesses my heart with a letter from someone new. I feel so privileged to be used through this.

Today was an exciting day because it was the first official meeting with my team with whom I'll be going to Kenya. It was great to put faces to the names I had seen on e-mails and know who would be sharing in this journey alongside me physically. I also had a great surprise today when I checked my mail and found I got my passport. My old one expired at the end of December, so I had to send it in and renew it. I'm super excited to have it in my possession now and know it's just one step close to getting there. Next up with be the $400 in shots I have to get! Ha! Not exactly my cup of tea, but I'll force my pain aside for the good of the cause. I guess all my times in Covance being a guinea pig have prepared me for it! :)

http://www.hchngong.org/about-us

On top of thanking God for allowing me this opportunity and providing the funding for me to go, I also just want to thank those who have sponsored me with their money and those who are praying for me! You all are so amazing to me and it feels so wonderful to know I have so many people behind me who care to share in this journey with me. I can't wait to see what He is going to do in my life and the lives of those around me through this trip. I will definitely be using my blog to update everyone on future progress. I love you all!

These are a Few of my Favorite Things...

"Rain drops on roses and whiskers on kittens, bright copper kettles and warm woolen mittens, brown paper packages tied up with strings, these are a few of my favorite things."

Julie Andrews once sang those lyrics in The Sound of Music, and it got me thinking. Life is full of hardships. It's like when things finally seem to be going smoothly, something will come out of nowhere to bring us down. Lately, the biggest hardship I've been feeling is loneliness. Back when I was living in St. Louis, this same feeling came to surface. It was like whatever I did, I couldn't get over the loneliness I felt in being so far away from my family. After really praying about it, I felt like God was calling me to move to Arizona to be near a part of my family: my sister, Lesli, and her family. It was such a hard decision. It was hard to leave my friends who were around the St. Louis area, but it was also hard knowing I would be moving even further away from my parents and my other sister, Jen, and her family, who all lived within driving distance. I couldn't help but wonder what God had planned for my life that would lead me to Arizona. But I listened to His calling and made the move anyway.

The last year and a half have been some of the best years of my short 26 years of life so far. I've been blessed with not only getting to be around a part of my family, but finding close Christian relationships around me that help me grow in my faith. Yet once again, I'm back at that feeling of loneliness. I found out a couple months ago that my sister and her family would be leaving Arizona and moving to California so my brother-in-law could pursue a job opportunity. Once again, I was asking God, "Why?" Why did He have me move out here just to have the only family that I have around me leave me? I struggled with wanting to doubt God and His decision to move me out here and His decision to move my sister away from me.

In these hard times, I have found comfort in trusting God's ways are always better than my own. Just like He knew what He was doing when He moved me down here, I have to trust that He knows what He's doing in this situation, too, as He does in every situation. No matter if it is something we view as significant or insignificant, God takes delight in us trusting in Him, which causes me to take even more delight in having Him as my Savior.

So you may be wondering what in the world Julie Andrews and The Sound of Music has to do with my rant. As I thought about those lyrics, I thought about how there was such an important part missing from that song: God. He is my favorite "thing." I can't imagine life without Him. I can't imagine how people can go through these hard times and not have that strong tower to turn to when life throws you those curve balls. So the next time you're facing a hard time, whether it be loneliness, finances, relationships, your job, etc., take heart in knowing there is a God out there who loves you. Jeremiah 29:11 says "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." God never said life was going to be easy or that once you trust in Him, things are going to be perfect, but He did let us know that He'd have everything under control. I know that even when I'm struggling with feelings of loneliness and abandonment, there is a reason for it that is so much bigger than I could ever fathom. I look forward to seeing what He is going to do in my life this year! I hope you do, too, and can take delight in His promise!

What's in a name?

For awhile now, I've been contemplating starting a blog. I've sat around at times with thoughts in my mind of exact topics, yet never sat down and actually did it. It became just another "to-do" in my life that I would complete sometime down the road. So this year, 2012, I'm going to try and set out to do exactly what I've wanted to do all along, share my thoughts with the cyber-world. I've always loved writing. I've kept many different journals, both hard copy and online, but have never really made my thoughts and feelings public to the world. It's a pretty vulnerable place to be. I thank you for coming along on this ride with me.
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"What's in a name?" Shakespeare once wrote those words for his play Romeo and Juliet, which I'm getting ready to teach to my freshmen. In designing this blog, that quote got me thinking about exactly what I wanted to accomplish in doing it. What exactly were my intentions? Would it serve as a simple journal of the daily events in my life or would it be something deeper. As I thought about it, I realized I wanted something more. Yes, I'm sure parts of it would serve to update my friends and family of the things going on in my life, but my main intention was and will always be to let Jesus shine through me. This would be just another way of doing that.

Over the past two years, God has really been working in my life. In college, I let my relationship with God take a backseat to my longing to have a "true" college experience. I became more interested in the party lifestyle and decided that God was something I would get serious about down the road when I was married and had kids. College was the time to have fun and not worry about anything else. Even after graduating, that same mentality stuck with me. Through all the nights of clubbing and searching for "Mr. Right," something seemed to be missing. During this time, my life had hit an all time low as I struggled through some of the hardest situations in my life. I had finally reached rock bottom. God used these situations to bring me back to Him. In September of 2009, I remember going home for Labor Day weekend. As I sat down with my parents, I remember my dad asking me questions about my relationship with God. Immediately, tears began to fall from my face as I told my dad that I wasn't even sure if God existed. I could no longer feel His presence in my life like I had so long before. My dad told me to issue God a challenge -- to show up in my life in a way that could only be explained through the miraculous power of God. So I did just that. Over the next couple weeks, I was blown away by how many "God-things" began to happen. It was at that time that I truly began to seek God for the first time in over seven years.

So once again I come back to the quote, "What's in a name?" that got me thinking about what I wanted to name my blog. In thinking about this, I couldn't get the lyrics of an old Steve Green song out of my head. I sang it many times for church growing up and haven't sang it in years, yet the message of it rang in my mind. The chorus states:

Broken and spilled out
Just for love of you Jesus
My most precious treasure
Lavished on Thee
Broken and spilled out
And poured at Your feet
In sweet abandon
Let me be spilled out
And used up for Thee

I can only hope that my blog serves as a testimony to the life I now live, which longs to be completely broken and spilled out for Jesus Christ. I am in constant awe of how He took a young girl like me, who was so far away from Him, and completely transformed her into a woman after God's own heart.