My Testimony... Because I Love You!

There are times in my life when I can so evidently hear God's voice telling me to do something. It's as if He's right there in the room with me, giving me directions that I can almost audibly hear. He speaks through prayer, His Word, and other Christian brothers and sisters to show what He wants to do. It's up to us to follow through and join Him in that work. These past couple days, God has done just that in my life. Thursday night at our young adult group, Camber, our pastor spoke out of 1 Corinthians 9:24-27. The verses say :

²⁴ Do you not know that in a race all the runners run, but only one gets the prize? Run in such a way as to get the prize. ²⁵ Everyone who competes in the games goes into strict training. They do it to get a crown that will not last, but we do it to get a crown that will last forever. ²⁶ Therefore I do not run like someone running aimlessly; I do not fight like a boxer beating the air. ²⁷ No, I strike a blow to my body and make it my slave so that after I have preached to others, I myself will not be disqualified for the prize. 

As I sat and read through those words, I could feel God tugging at my heart as if to say "Erin... are you even in the race? Are you telling others about me? Are you running aimlessly or is your eye on the prize... reaching others for me?" I became very convicted. I realized there were so many people in my life with whom I had not told about Christ. As I sat there digesting God's Word, I couldn't help but think of all the friends I have on Facebook whom I may have never shared God's love. I thought about the many times in the past where I have been more preoccupied with how others viewed me than their eternal life. So now, I want to be very vulnerable and share my testimony with you. This is something that is very near and dear to my heart, because it shows where I've been and where I've come. To some of you, this may have been something that you experienced alongside me, and to others, it may be brand new, possibly shocking territory. No matter what, I hope God will speak to your heart in a way that He did mine as I went through it.

My Testimony

 My dad is a pastor, so I grew up in a loving Christian home where my parents always taught of God's love for me. When I was six, I made the decision to accept Christ. As I look back on it, I know it was a genuine decision, but it wasn't until many years later that I came to truly know and appreciate a deep relationship with God.

I was a pretty good kid as the years went by. In high school, I was the type of kid who would rather stay home playing games or watching movies with my parents instead of going out and partying. I had a strong sense of identity in Christ and was proud of my unique self God had created me to be. I was the drama and choir geek who, on the outside at least, seemed to be proud of her outgoing, crazy, loud self. However, on the inside, I felt a strong need to belong. I wanted to be the popular one, the girl who got the guy, the one who every girl wanted to be.

I went off to college four and a half hours from home to a small Christian college in a town almost no one has heard of. My dad had gone there, so I figured it was the logical place to go and follow in his footsteps. This school consisted of 1100 students total and only 450 living on campus, which was smaller that my high school. The first year, I did really well and found some great friends. We were the loud group that always had a tendency to draw attention to ourselves due to our crazy antics. In a small Christian school like this, that was not a good kind of attention. People at small schools love to talk and the topic of conversation around campus was the rowdy behavior of my friends and me. Even though we were behaving by all the rules and really not doing anything ungodly, we had developed the reputation of being crazy party girls. At a small school like that, you might as well have been marked with a scarlet letter. Here we were trying to be good and stay away from that lifestyle and it made no difference, we still became the outcasts. The hypocritical and judgmental Christians left a bad taste in my mouth and I decided I would become exactly what they expected me to be -- a party girl.

At right around the same time, I had caught the interest of one of the soccer players at the college. He was definitely not the type of guy I normally got attention from. I was hardly noticed by guys at all. He was the quintessential "Latin Lover" from Argentina and was known by every person on campus. He knew all the right things to say and do that made me fall head over heals almost instantly. I knew it wasn't right. I had always been taught to be "equally yoked" and he was the farthest thing from God. But I liked the way he made me feel and God began to slowly slip into the background as I gave myself fully to this guy - something I always said I would save for my future husband. I told myself that God was something I would get serious about after college. These were the times to be crazy and have fun; later down the line would be the time to go to church and get my life together. I was in love and that's all that mattered. Through the three years I was in that relationship, I was cheated on more times than I could count and it seemed like every few months, we were breaking up and then I'd go crawling back to him all over again. I always knew it wasn't right being with him and everyone, including my friends and family, told me it over and over again. Still, I didn't listen. After I graduated, I moved to STL so I could be near him. Within a month, things changed drastically. I was given an ultimatum that it was either marry him or his visa was going to expire, and he would be moving back to Argentina. As much as I loved him, I knew he wasn't the man I was supposed to be with. I didn't trust him and knew that was extremely important in a marriage. I also knew he didn't share my same religious beliefs and that would cause issues in the long run. After three years of losing myself completely to a guy, I finally ended it.

I wish I could say that was the turn around for me and that I finally found my way back to God, but it took more intense situations than that to bring me back - situations that I don't think God made happen, but I think he definitely used them to bring me back to Him. Two of those situations ring clear in my mind. Three years ago, I was still in the partying stage of life. I went to a party where drugs and alcohol were present, although I didn't know the extent until later. That night I went to sleep on the couch and woke up with a guy on top of me. I was sexually assaulted, but thankfully not raped. I later found out that he was not only extremely drunk, but coked up on cocaine as well. This was a huge turning point in my life. It shook my whole world upside down as I realized I no longer wanted to be a part of that lifestyle. I yearned for that close relationship with God that I had had so many years ago. I began Christian counseling, which helped beyond belief. I started going to church and joined a small group, but my heart still wasn't in it. It just seemed to be a routine I did each week.

Six months later, I found myself in the second life-changing situation. My roommate had just gotten married and I was living on my own for the first time. My life came to a crashing halt as my credit card reached its limit, $10,000. I had no idea what to do. I finally had to humble myself and call my parents for help - something I really REALLY didn't want to do! I went home that weekend and sat down with my parents to draw out a plan. My dad began asking me questions about my relationship with God and I remember crying and telling him that I didn't feel God in my life anymore. I wasn't even sure if He existed. I knew that went completely against everything I was ever taught, but it was how I felt. That's when my dad told me to issue God a challenge -- to show up in my life in such a way that could only be explained through Him. I did exactly that. Over the next couple weeks, God began to show up in amazing ways and I saw Him orchestrating things all around me. I found a Christian co-worker who invited me to her church and the small group she led. I began growing and really surrendering my life back to God. It was at that time that I knew STL was no longer the place I was supposed to be. I was being called to move to AZ and have a fresh start. So I put in my letter of resignation and decided I was going to move out here, even if it meant doing something besides teaching. Everyone thought I was crazy for quitting my job without having another one lined up, but I knew God would provide. I don't think I've ever felt so sure about God telling me something in all my life. 

Since moving to Arizona, I feel like my life has been completely transformed. I feel like a new person that God has been working in every day. I still struggle with things, but not in the same way. Now, I can't imagine going back to the way I used to be. I was so lonely and stuck in a life I felt I had no control over. Now I know I can trust in God to have the control and I don't have to stress about things. Renewing my relationship with Christ was the greatest experience in my life. My decision to follow Christ when I was younger had a lot to do with my parents, but my choice to follow him as an adult was completely independent and has meant all the world to me. I am so lucky to serve such an amazing God who called me back to him and answered my challenge, even when I was so far away.

My prayer for you is that you find that same peace in a Savior who loves you and died on the cross to show you. I pray that if you are running from your past, that you would find solace in a God who already knows and has already forgiven you. All you have to do is accept Him. If you would like to talk about this more, feel free to Facebook message me or e-mail me at erinewhitaker@gmail.com. Nothing would make me happier than to talk with you about how you can come to have a personal relationship with God. Thanks for reading!

137 days, 9 hours, and 6 minutes...

As I type, it is 137 days, 9 hours, and 6 minutes until I leave for Africa.

Over the past two weeks, a team from my church has been over in Tenali, India on a mission trip, sharing the love of Christ with the people over there. Out of the group, four of the girls are some of my closest friends here. It has been so exciting to keep up-to-date with their trip through their Facebook posts and pictures, and now that they're back, to hear their amazing stories. Every story I hear and smile I see on each and every one of their faces just gets me that much more excited to go to Africa this summer.

I can't help but be so proud of these young ladies for taking this step of faith in going to a country so far away and letting God use them to minister to those around them. As I've been following their trip, I can't help but realize how extremely lucky we are to have the freedom here in the United States to worship God as freely as we want. In India, the people there face persecution everyday for openly worshiping God, yet they don't let that stop them. Instead, they thrive on it and praise Him all that much more! I can't help but feel so convicted over that. It is so easy for me to live life day to day, just focusing on myself, instead of focusing on showing the love of Christ to those around me. I get worried that I'll be judged and my co-workers will think I'm weird, or I get so caught up in the hustle and bustle of things that I lose focus on the most important goal... to tell others around me about God.

I pray that in the coming months leading up to Africa, God will help use this trip as a venue for me to share my faith with those around me. I pray that in my workplace, it will give me a way to bring up what God is doing in my life and open up people's hearts around me. I hope you will join in praying for my team and me as we spend the coming months preparing for this trip. I have been so blessed already by so many people who have not only said they would be joining me in prayer, but have also supported me financially. I am still only $700 away from reaching my goal of $3200 to go to Africa. I can't wait to see what God has in store for me in this trip and how he is going to use me to reach those around me for Christ. Thank you for your support! :)

My job... My Mission Field!

Each day I wake up, get ready, and head my way to a job that is extremely exhausting, yet rewarding at the same time. The life of a teacher does not always have its perks. Although people argue that we get summers off and numerous breaks, it definitely has to be a job you feel called to.

I was in the seventh grade when I decided I wanted to be a teacher. I remember my 7th grade English teacher, Mr. Glasbrenner, who showed me how fun learning could be. It was at that point that I decided I wanted to do exactly that. It was nice when I was starting college and knew exactly what I wanted to major in. Others around me struggled to find their niche, going back and forth between numerous majors, yet I had my focus all figured out. I got through my classes, did my student teaching, graduated, and was ready to start my first actual teaching job.

Four and a half years later, there have definitely been some ups and downs in my career. There have been many laughs and tears as I sometimes wondered if teaching was really something I was cut out to do for the long haul. I have prayed so many times about where God wants me to be and have finally come to the conclusion... I am where God wants me to be. It doesn't matter how exhausted and hurt or happy and satisfied I feel, because God has placed me in the exact place he wants me to be serving.

This past summer, I was home and hanging out with my dad at the local IHOP. We have a tradition where every time I fly home, we go there afterward, no matter how late/early it is. This is always such a great bonding time with my dad as we talk about every possible topic imaginable. While we were there, he said something that will forever ring true in my mind. I was talking to him about how I wondered if I was where God wanted me to be. I think about the various dangerous paths I have taken in my life and about how disobedient I have been to God in the past, and I wondered if somewhere along the way, I didn't listen to God and missed the turn. I was so focused on doing what I wanted to do that I lost track of what God wanted me to do. My dad simply said, "Erin, it doesn't matter what job you have. God can use you anywhere. Your job is your mission field." It really got me thinking about my past jobs and the focus I had. I had been so wrapped up in teaching the curriculum, improving test scores, grading papers, making class fun, etc. that I had lost track of my reason for being there... to reach those around me to Christ and be an example of His light in my life.

I am extremely lucky to have a job I enjoy. Yes, on days it is exhausting and I come home having a panic attack over all the essays I have to grade and the planning I have to do, but God has a reason for me being there. It wouldn't matter if I were an insurance salesman, waitress, journalist, guidance counselor, or Broadway actress, God would use me just the same. I have to look around where God is working and join Him in that work, no matter where I may be.

I pray that is same for you. Whether you hate or love your job, I pray you will find where He is at work in your life and join Him there. We work everyday with people who do not know the love and joy a relationship with Christ brings. They are screaming inside for the hope we, as Christians, have. I hope both my colleagues and students can see there is a difference in me. I have a hope in me that can only be explained through the miraculous love of Jesus Christ. I hope years down the line as my students look back on me, they will not only see a wacky teacher who had a fun class, but one that was different because she had the love of Jesus in her heart. I may not be able to tell them straight out, but I hope they can tell there's something different from my actions. 

So, I'll go on teaching and trying to be that light to those around me. Because after all, my job is not just a job... it's so much more! It's my mission field! God calls us to be on mission for Him. That does not always mean going on mission trips around the globe. Each one of us has a mission field that we report to everyday. It is just up to us in how we are going to impact it. 

 My mission field! :)

What a Mighty God we Serve!

I'm constantly in awe of how loving God is! I feel so completely unworthy to be loved unconditionally in the way He loves us. It's amazing to know that no matter how many mistakes we make, He loves us just the same and just desires to have a close relationship with us.

Our church is now starting to do the study Experiencing God together over the coming weeks, and tonight was our first small group diving into it. I feel so privileged to help lead this group of girls in discovering God's will for our lives. In reading over this week's chapter, the thing that stood out the most to me was God's love. The second principle the study goes over is how "God pursues a continuing love relationship with you that is real and personal." No matter how many times I hear it, I can never quite grasp the amount of love God has for us. It's not simply that He got bored and thought He'd create some fun creatures to watch to give Himself a hobby. He chose to make us! He chose to create us in the exact way that we are so He could have that close and personal relationship with us.

I think back to the times in my life where I thought that someone else's love was enough for me. I went looking for love in other people and places when it was always right there in front of me. Through all of my terrible mistakes and wrong turns, God pursued me. He loved me enough to call me right back to Him. Even when I was so far away from, He never forgot about me. He was always right there, desiring that close relationship with me once again. I am so happy that I finally humbled myself and went running to Him after so many years of running away!

I found out tonight that three people close to me have decided to take that next step in their relationship with God. One of my them is one of my closest friends. I got a message from her today saying how she was wanting to get her life back on track with God. She had made a decision to follow Christ in the past, but had fallen away from Him. I've spent months praying for just that and today, I got to hear how God is at work in her life. I'm so proud of her and can't wait to see the growth God is going to do in her life! The other two people in my life decided tonight to take the first step into following Christ. They accepted Him into their life in a real and personal way. There is no greater thing to hear than that! God is truly at work around me and I am so delighted to see it!

Again I say "WHAT A MIGHTY GOD WE SERVE!" I hope you realize God's love for you and how He only truly desires that loving relationship with you. It's not a matter of being good enough for Him or trying to work your way into His arms, because He stands with them open, just waiting for you to come running into them. I can only hope and pray that you have come to that realization tonight. If not, know that I am praying that you will soon. Then and only then can you realize true happiness and unconditional love that I know to be so true in my life. It's not a religion... it's a relationship, and that's exactly what I pray you have with Him!

The Art of Being Single

Ever since I was a little girl, I would watch every Disney princess movie, every sappy chick flick, and pretty much every "happily ever after" film and dream of my prince that would come and save the day. The one who would make my life whole. It's ingrained in our culture that we cannot be fully whole without being married. Don't get me wrong, I definitely see the perks to being married and having that special person to share life with, but I now realize how skewed those thoughts can be. Over the years, I have seen this mindset play out in my own life.

When I went off to college, I had that exact thought in the forefront of my mind. From the second I stepped onto that campus, I was on the prowl for that one guy who I would be with for the rest of my life. In fact, I walked into classes my first or second day of school and thought for sure that I had met the man of my dreams. I didn't have my sights set too high. As long as he was a Christian and liked me, well then he must be the one for me, right? As it turns out, that guy didn't end up being the one for me. Then I went to my sophomore year in college and started to become restless. God hadn't brought me the man of my dreams, so I was going to find him myself. Nevermind the fact that God knew better than I did and knew I wasn't ready emotionally or spiritually to find him, I was going to make that guy "the one!" I spent three years chasing after that dream that I had had so ingrained in my mind since I was young. That dream had become warped over the years. I no longer even cared about that fact that he was a Christian. I thought if he loved me enough, then he would learn to follow God... eventually.

Both of my sisters were married at 22 years old. They were lucky enough to find amazing men to share their lives with. When I turned 22, I remember thinking I was so behind in life. After three years of being cheated on over and over again and growing as far away from God as I could, I finally realized that my idea of the perfect guy was not God's idea of the perfect guy, because that perfect guy doesn't exist.

That perfect guy doesn't exist, because God won't let him exist. Even if he did, God would keep him as far away from you as humanly possible. He doesn't want you relying on a guy to make yourself whole. He wants you to rely on Him for that. It has taken years of me chasing after a dream to finally realize the reality of God's will. Instead of spending my time chasing after a false dream that the world has ingrained in my mind, I now chase after God's dream... for me to have an intimate relationship with Him that is the only thing that can fully satisfy. I've finally come to accept that it isn't my job to go running after a husband. If God chooses to bless me with that, then He will. If not, then he won't. I will be satisfied and happy either way.

Again, don't get me wrong in thinking I don't want to get married, because I definitely do. But now, I have realized that it is not my decision. I humbly and thoughtfully offer up my life to God to do His work however He sees fit. Of course I would love for that to be with a wonderful man of God by my side who will encourage me in my walk, but I am not the one who is going to make the decision. So now, as Philippians 3:14 says, "I (will) press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus." That prize which is not to find myself a husband, but to be a servant of Christ who lives each day according to His will and purpose.

God knows my heart's desire to find that man of God to marry and until then, all I can simply do is live for Him and wait patiently... I hope you do the same! :)

Here am I. Send me!

Then I heard the voice of the Lord saying, "Whom shall I send? And who will go for us?" And I said, "Here am I. Send me!" - Isaiah 6:8

Back in April or May of this last year, our church had a woman by the name of Mama Zipporah come speak to us. My church, Cornerstone, partners with her children's home in Ngong, Kenya, and Mama comes a couple times a year to share what has been happening there and to encourage those in our church to go on a mission trip to help and see the work for themselves. As I was sitting there listening, I couldn't help but feel God stirring my heart for the people of Kenya. Mama Zipporah started the children's home back in 1989 after seeing the great need for someone to reach out to the many orphans that surrounded her. Due to the living conditions and high AIDS rate, many of the children were left orphaned and homeless. She felt God calling her to take in these children and become a mama to them. My heart broke as I heard her speak. I have been so privileged to have had amazing parents who have been by my side every step of my childhood and who helped direct me through my transition into adulthood. I can't imagine not having that support. It was clear that God was calling me to go love on these children and continue to show them exactly what Mama does, the love of Christ. I decided that the next summer, summer of 2012, I would go on a mission trip to Kenya.

When I got back from being home for the summer with my amazing family, our church had an information meeting and I signed up. I found out that while we are there, we would be helping run a Vacation Bible School for the children and help do different construction projects. I also found out the trip was going to cost just over $3200. As I heard the amount, I got a little scared. That was a lot of money to have to raise. In the past, any mission projects I had done were small enough that my family was able to fund them, but this would be a whole different ballgame! As I started to get nervous, I remembered that if God wanted me to go, He would provide a way. There was nothing to worry about; everything was in His hands.

Shortly after the meeting, I spent a lot of time drafting up my support letter to send out to my friends and family, asking for them to join with me in this amazing opportunity. When I sent out my letters to my friends and family, I prayed over them, asking God to work in the hearts of those I sent the letters to. That God would not only do amazing things in my life through this trip, but that He would bless the lives of those who were going to join alongside me, too. Since then, I have been blessed immensely. It has only been a little over two months since I sent out my letters and I have already raised $2,245 toward my trip. It has been amazing to see who has chosen to sponsor me, not just in money, but also in prayer! Every time I go to my mailbox, God blesses my heart with a letter from someone new. I feel so privileged to be used through this.

Today was an exciting day because it was the first official meeting with my team with whom I'll be going to Kenya. It was great to put faces to the names I had seen on e-mails and know who would be sharing in this journey alongside me physically. I also had a great surprise today when I checked my mail and found I got my passport. My old one expired at the end of December, so I had to send it in and renew it. I'm super excited to have it in my possession now and know it's just one step close to getting there. Next up with be the $400 in shots I have to get! Ha! Not exactly my cup of tea, but I'll force my pain aside for the good of the cause. I guess all my times in Covance being a guinea pig have prepared me for it! :)

http://www.hchngong.org/about-us

On top of thanking God for allowing me this opportunity and providing the funding for me to go, I also just want to thank those who have sponsored me with their money and those who are praying for me! You all are so amazing to me and it feels so wonderful to know I have so many people behind me who care to share in this journey with me. I can't wait to see what He is going to do in my life and the lives of those around me through this trip. I will definitely be using my blog to update everyone on future progress. I love you all!

These are a Few of my Favorite Things...

"Rain drops on roses and whiskers on kittens, bright copper kettles and warm woolen mittens, brown paper packages tied up with strings, these are a few of my favorite things."

Julie Andrews once sang those lyrics in The Sound of Music, and it got me thinking. Life is full of hardships. It's like when things finally seem to be going smoothly, something will come out of nowhere to bring us down. Lately, the biggest hardship I've been feeling is loneliness. Back when I was living in St. Louis, this same feeling came to surface. It was like whatever I did, I couldn't get over the loneliness I felt in being so far away from my family. After really praying about it, I felt like God was calling me to move to Arizona to be near a part of my family: my sister, Lesli, and her family. It was such a hard decision. It was hard to leave my friends who were around the St. Louis area, but it was also hard knowing I would be moving even further away from my parents and my other sister, Jen, and her family, who all lived within driving distance. I couldn't help but wonder what God had planned for my life that would lead me to Arizona. But I listened to His calling and made the move anyway.

The last year and a half have been some of the best years of my short 26 years of life so far. I've been blessed with not only getting to be around a part of my family, but finding close Christian relationships around me that help me grow in my faith. Yet once again, I'm back at that feeling of loneliness. I found out a couple months ago that my sister and her family would be leaving Arizona and moving to California so my brother-in-law could pursue a job opportunity. Once again, I was asking God, "Why?" Why did He have me move out here just to have the only family that I have around me leave me? I struggled with wanting to doubt God and His decision to move me out here and His decision to move my sister away from me.

In these hard times, I have found comfort in trusting God's ways are always better than my own. Just like He knew what He was doing when He moved me down here, I have to trust that He knows what He's doing in this situation, too, as He does in every situation. No matter if it is something we view as significant or insignificant, God takes delight in us trusting in Him, which causes me to take even more delight in having Him as my Savior.

So you may be wondering what in the world Julie Andrews and The Sound of Music has to do with my rant. As I thought about those lyrics, I thought about how there was such an important part missing from that song: God. He is my favorite "thing." I can't imagine life without Him. I can't imagine how people can go through these hard times and not have that strong tower to turn to when life throws you those curve balls. So the next time you're facing a hard time, whether it be loneliness, finances, relationships, your job, etc., take heart in knowing there is a God out there who loves you. Jeremiah 29:11 says "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." God never said life was going to be easy or that once you trust in Him, things are going to be perfect, but He did let us know that He'd have everything under control. I know that even when I'm struggling with feelings of loneliness and abandonment, there is a reason for it that is so much bigger than I could ever fathom. I look forward to seeing what He is going to do in my life this year! I hope you do, too, and can take delight in His promise!

What's in a name?

For awhile now, I've been contemplating starting a blog. I've sat around at times with thoughts in my mind of exact topics, yet never sat down and actually did it. It became just another "to-do" in my life that I would complete sometime down the road. So this year, 2012, I'm going to try and set out to do exactly what I've wanted to do all along, share my thoughts with the cyber-world. I've always loved writing. I've kept many different journals, both hard copy and online, but have never really made my thoughts and feelings public to the world. It's a pretty vulnerable place to be. I thank you for coming along on this ride with me.
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"What's in a name?" Shakespeare once wrote those words for his play Romeo and Juliet, which I'm getting ready to teach to my freshmen. In designing this blog, that quote got me thinking about exactly what I wanted to accomplish in doing it. What exactly were my intentions? Would it serve as a simple journal of the daily events in my life or would it be something deeper. As I thought about it, I realized I wanted something more. Yes, I'm sure parts of it would serve to update my friends and family of the things going on in my life, but my main intention was and will always be to let Jesus shine through me. This would be just another way of doing that.

Over the past two years, God has really been working in my life. In college, I let my relationship with God take a backseat to my longing to have a "true" college experience. I became more interested in the party lifestyle and decided that God was something I would get serious about down the road when I was married and had kids. College was the time to have fun and not worry about anything else. Even after graduating, that same mentality stuck with me. Through all the nights of clubbing and searching for "Mr. Right," something seemed to be missing. During this time, my life had hit an all time low as I struggled through some of the hardest situations in my life. I had finally reached rock bottom. God used these situations to bring me back to Him. In September of 2009, I remember going home for Labor Day weekend. As I sat down with my parents, I remember my dad asking me questions about my relationship with God. Immediately, tears began to fall from my face as I told my dad that I wasn't even sure if God existed. I could no longer feel His presence in my life like I had so long before. My dad told me to issue God a challenge -- to show up in my life in a way that could only be explained through the miraculous power of God. So I did just that. Over the next couple weeks, I was blown away by how many "God-things" began to happen. It was at that time that I truly began to seek God for the first time in over seven years.

So once again I come back to the quote, "What's in a name?" that got me thinking about what I wanted to name my blog. In thinking about this, I couldn't get the lyrics of an old Steve Green song out of my head. I sang it many times for church growing up and haven't sang it in years, yet the message of it rang in my mind. The chorus states:

Broken and spilled out
Just for love of you Jesus
My most precious treasure
Lavished on Thee
Broken and spilled out
And poured at Your feet
In sweet abandon
Let me be spilled out
And used up for Thee

I can only hope that my blog serves as a testimony to the life I now live, which longs to be completely broken and spilled out for Jesus Christ. I am in constant awe of how He took a young girl like me, who was so far away from Him, and completely transformed her into a woman after God's own heart.